ARMONK, NEW YORK –
Amanda Johnson was recently fired by computer giant IBM for posting inappropriate ‘selfies’ and embarrassing the company.
A company spokesman said, “Ms. Johnson went too far. She had us listed as her employer on Facebook and, we felt, it brought negative attention to our company. Personal employee conduct is important to IBM and she did not meet the high moral character we expect from our employees.”
Ms. Johnson started with typical selfies: Posed like a pouty model, selfies with partying friends, but then things took a dark turn.
Ms. Johnson snapped selfies next to road kill. Selfies next to dogs moving their bowels and fighting cats. Selfies of her contorted body next to her private parts. Selfies with bums. Selfies with cripples, down syndrome kids. She snuck into a cancer ward and took selfies next to unwilling cancer patients. She crashed several funeral wakes and snapped selfies with open casket bodies.
Friends said the worst was when she axed the head off a chicken at her uncles ranch and took a selfie of her cradling the chicken while blood spurted from its severed neck.
“It was out of control,” an unnamed ex-friend said. “The chicken. Oh my God. She was grinning like some serial killer out of a horror film. I’m glad Facebook deleted her account. I hope they lock her up in psycho ward because she’s turned into a psycho from hell. At the very least, somebody should take away her IPhone.”