Health Club Says NO to FAT GROSS PEOPLE


Apparently big is not beautiful, neither is ugly or gross. The Best Health Club in Miami says you must be 100% perfect to join.


Manager John Benush stated, “Our customers don’t want to see ugliness and out of shapeness. Only perfection. So when a new member applies they’ll be scrutinized with our rigorous grading test.”

Grading Test includes:

Teeth check – (must be straight, white)

Mole/wart/acne check – (no moles, warts, acne allowed)

Hair check (no body or pubic hair allowed. Hairstyles must be conservative with no grayness. Baldness not allowed.)

Rectum check (asshole must be waxed and bleached)

Body Fat (no visible body fat, body must be well toned)

Feces, urine, blood samples (helps determine diet. Must be whole foods diet: only lean meats and organic fruits and vegetables allowed. No refined sugar or bad carbs.)

Sweat testing (body odor must not be present)

Blood pressure (normal or below normal)

Symmetry testing (face and body must be proportional. Women must have at least a b cup)

Body modification check (no tattoos or piercings. There is an exception for tasteful clitoral piercings)

Personality test (must be friendly, outgoing and have a nice smile)

All members are required to wear uniformed workout clothes that accentuate physical assets. G-strings and tight tops for women, no shirts and tight shorts for men.

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance is planning to file a discrimination lawsuit against the company. The Best Health Club says its a private organization and is free to set its own rules.

“Our rules are really no different than stores forbidding animals or theaters barring talking during movies,” Benush said.

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