JACKSONVILLE, Florida –
A couple recently arrested for selling hundreds of fake “golden tickets to heaven” now have one irate customer demanding his money back.
“They said it was solid gold,” Del Woodcock said. “I don’t know what gold looks like. How was I to know it was spray painted wood? I want my $99.95 back and I hope Tito and Amanda Watts get the death penalty for what they done. They deserve it.”
Woodcock said he was approached by Tito and Amanda while he panhandled on the sidewalk in front of a Taco Bell. The couple told him he could buy a gold ticket to heaven which 100% guaranteed entrance, no questions asked.
“They said I would get into heaven with the gold ticket given to them by Jesus,” Woodcock said. “I thought that was a great deal because I’ve molested a lot of kids and smoke a lot of crack – I even beat up a cat once for fun — and I figured I had no chance of getting in. So this was my ticket. I gave them nearly all the money I had in my pan. Tito even gave me a pinch of his chewing tobacco before he left as a bonus.”
Above: Evidence photo
Woodcock said he is aware that he and other victims are being made fun of on the Internet for being duped into buying fake golden tickets.
“Yeah, some ass butt saw me today sitting in front of the grade school with my golden ticket and showed me Fatbook (sic) comments on his smarty phone of people making fun of me and the idiots who got snuckered by Tito and his Negro wife. The Internet people think I’m stupid, well I think they’re stupid!”
Woodcock said he plans to testify in court and will not rest until he has received a full refund.